1. Put a limiter on the master bus and make it LOUD!
2. Give your track a spicy name with exclamation marks, like this: RAGING DANCE CHOON!!!
3. Post your track up on you tube with a picture of a sexy model.
4. Post your track up on you tube with sexy girls dancing.
5. Give your track a name with obvious innuendo: RAGING HARD DANCE CHOON!!!
6. Make your shitty track part of a social movement by shoving in some vocal snippets in there. Example: "Save our mother earth, and dance!"
7. If your song sucks, get it mixed by a pro. If your mixing sucks, get it mastered by a pro.
8. Put together a DJ mix where your track is the best of the bunch. This could be a difficult task for some.
9. Tell people you made the track in 10 minutes. Or, tell people you made the track on your android in 15 minutes. Or, tell people you are deaf.
10. Tell people it would be supported by big names like Deadmau5 and Tiesto if they bothered to listen to it.
11. Create fake Soundcloud accounts with pictures of hot girls, and post positive comments on your own tracks. The key is to throw in a few criticisms to make the comments seem real.
12. Sidechain something
13. Sidechain everything
14. ONLY self-reference in the third person to make it seem like it's not just you, by yourself, but that someone is willing to pay a publicist to speak on your behalf.